One evening last week the phone rang, and on the other end of the line was a lady who reads my column in one of our fine Kentucky newspapers. After she introduced herself, she made this comment: “I have been meaning to write to you for some time. Each week after reading your column I feel better.” She then went on to tell me that she works for a hairdresser in a beauty shop and is constantly around negative people.

After thinking about our conversation, I decided to share some of the highlights with you because there are so many working people in a similar situation. If you have ever experienced this kind of environment, you know it can be very depressing. It’s almost like living and working under a wet blanket. If my column helps this dear lady I say, “Praise the Lord,” and I hope some of the ideas I share in the future will help her to rise above her circumstances. I know it’s easy to feel trapped, but life is too short to be unhappy. 

We must first achieve success in our own life before we can ever help someone else. Success means different things to different people. Here I am not advocating that this lady quit her job if being a hairdresser is what she is good at and what she likes to do. She also told me that she is involved in a multi-level marketing program. This may work out, but the odds are against her. In her case, she would be much better off in the long run if she saved her money for a few years and either started or bought another beauty shop of her own. Then she could control her environment. 

In case you don’t know or have wondered why so many people are negative, I believe I can shed some light on this subject. By doing some research, as I have done, you will find that the vast majority of negative people have no goals. Without goals there is no way to score or to win. In other words, these people may cheer when their football or basketball team wins, but they don’t have much to cheer about in relation to their own personal success. When you find people who are negative and down and out, you will find other people just like them because these are the kind of people with whom they want to spend their time. What’s important to realize is that negative talk or comments must first be formed in our mind before being expressed out loud. In many cases, negative people have the same talents and abilities as positive people, but they have just never seen it or believed it. 

One of the things that holds a person back when they begin to seek a better life is that that they must make a break with their old friends and places where they hang out. For the person who decides to make the break, it’s like the story of the crabs in the bucket. One crab gets almost to the top and freedom, but just before he gets out a crab from the bottom reaches up and pulls him back down. Another technique they use is to laugh and make fun of the person who is trying to better himself.

Here is perhaps the most important point I can make in relation to what I have been saying. In our society no one laughs at the true “winner” and the way to become a winner is to keep our own council, set some short- and long-range goals, save and invest 10 percent of our income, and work hard to stay with our plan. When we move up, they will stop laughing. In most cases, the day we change our friends is the day we change our life.

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(Jim Davidson is an author, public speaker, syndicated columnist, and Founder of the Bookcase for Every Child project. Since its inception in the Log Cabin Democrat in 1995, Jim’s column has been self-syndicated in over 375 newspapers in 35 states. For a personalized copy of “Your Future Begins Today” send $20, which includes postage and handling, to Jim Davidson, 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034.)